Thursday, January 10, 2013

So Where Is Mr. Right Guy?

One of the reasons why women get frustrated with men in the dating and relationship market is because they quite clearly do not know what men are often looking for in women nor indeed how to best position themselves to attract the sort of guys they want. If you look out there today, there seem to be too many women out there seeking for and not finding male partners. Obviously, the reason for this is not that there are no more men, nor is it that all the good men a woman can obviously be with have all been taken. The problem is simple---it is a marketing issue. There are too many women who just do not know how to put their best foot forward.

Before I go on, let me point this out. In the world today, many young women are bombarded with different and sometimes contrasting messages from their pals, television, magazines etc. on steps to take to increase their market value. They are inundated with tips on how to secure the so-called perfect man/date; what things to do to make oneself sexually more appealing; what steps to take to make it more likely for a man to propose etc. The list is endless—women are constantly being pulled in all directions on the issue of dating and relationships. It is not surprising therefore to discover that an alarming number of women have self-esteem and insecurity issues whether they care to admit it or not. Why would they not worry constantly when they see the nigh-impossible standards of beauty that women have to aspire to nowadays? Why will women not be anxious when they see the lengths their fellow women would go to in the name of beauty? It turns out however that when it comes to serious long-term relationships and marriage (as opposed to the casual flings or one-night stands), there may be a whole different dynamic at work.

Ladies, here are a few things to consider:

Aeveryone has flaws, everyone has some talent or gift. There is no Mr. or Ms. Perfect. One man/woman’s trash is another’s treasure. You can count on this—no matter how tall, pretty, beautiful, confident, charming, well-behaved, educated, sophisticated and sweet you might be, there will always be someone who does not fancy you at all; as a matter of fact, there will be many who obviously do not see you the way you think you ought to be seen. This is not because these men are blind or homosexual—it is simply because they have other attributes or qualities that attract them which you might not have or have in a sufficiently recognizable proportion. So quit trying excessively to be appealing or attractive. Your attractive qualities are usually those attributes that come to you so naturally that they don’t have to be forced. It just radiates through without your conscious effort. For example, if you have a pretty smile, and you smile constantly with or without external pressure or prompting, some guy will notice this readily especially if such a guy is naturally drawn to pretty smiles. If smiling does not come naturally to you therefore you don’t have to wear a plastic smile to be seen as good-natured or pleasant. It will look forced and obviously not genuine. More than likely, any guy who is genuinely attracted to something in you isn’t going to mind too much about the flaws you are trying so hard to conceal.

It follows therefore that one reason why many women do not seem to be making romantic connections with guys, or actually getting into relationships is because they have not figured out their most basic and most natural attractive feature to emphasize it. They do not seem to realize that beyond the initial pull of say a pretty face, or well-set knockers, or the occasional shapely derriere, there is more to the intricate dance of mate selection as far as guys are concerned. There is only so much a pretty face, boobs, ass or a polite but brief introductory greeting will get you as far as dating is concerned—and guys who are looking for something serious as opposed to just sowing their wild oats are going to be looking for some attribute that seals the deal. Women who are truly familiar with their core attractive attribute and accentuate such attributes have absolutely no problems in finding men who are willing to enter into meaningful long-term relationships or even propose to them.

B—ladies, real men are not overly impressed with your educational achievements. This may come as a shocker to many younger women nowadays. Let’s take a look at this. Ever since women were allowed to go to school and be as educated as the menfolk or let into the workforce, the trend has been that more and more women (when compared to men) are getting the degrees and the higher certifications in the various universities and institutions of higher learning. The trend is such that more and more women are getting educationally superior to the menfolk and thus beginning to command more pay. This is already the situation in many homes or relationships where it is readily noticeable that women are earning as much if not more than the men they are in a relationship with. So what’s wrong with this? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman getting a proper education but when it comes to inter-sexual relations, men for the most part are not necessarily drawn or attracted to highly educated women. As a matter of fact, if a highly educated woman really wants to increase her shot of being in a committed relationship, she has to dramatically de-emphasize her academic achievements and magnify other appealing attributes she has. This has been observed times without number and I suppose anyone can come up with some explanations why this seems to be the case.

Now, lest I be misunderstood, I am not saying that men are necessarily looking for uneducated, unpolished village-girl types to get into relationships with (even though there are men precisely looking for these). Furthermore, the point I am making is not that men attempting to pick up or date highly intelligent women cannot recognize or appreciate intellectual and witty banter. The point is that observations has shown that all too often, highly intelligent women lack a lot of other attractive qualities and so even the men who might be intellectually gifted enough to engage them in personally gratifying and intellectually stimulating discussions will invariably wind up considering or treating such women as friends or colleagues rather than as candidates for their amorous concerns. If you are in the habit of citing your doubtlessly impressive academic credentials to potential dates or prospective boyfriends or suitors, do not be surprised if they suddenly begin to beat a path to another woman’s door.

(To be Continued..)


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  1. Hummm! Gf giving relationship advice. I love it but I was about say something about Tip#2 but you kinda explained it a little further. But I still believe and think that Real men are impressed about the academic achievements of ladies. Anywhos. I can't wait to read the rest of your advice. :)

  2. In most soft sell magazine, TV shows and movies, relationship advice is being dished out like they are going out of fashion. One thing they fail to realise (in most cases) is that no two relationship would look alike. The uniqueness in our DNA shapes the do's and don'ts of relationship(s) we find ourselves in.

    I absolutely love the movie "Think like a man, act like a lady". It brought out different scenarios and to a large extent addressed them. Like you rightly said GF, there is no Mr or Ms perfect. Therefore the core of a sound relationship is acknowledging this fact and still leaving one's comfort zone to reach a middle ground with the significant other.

    1. Tripen, I just noticed that it has been over a year since you wrote something fresh on your blog :)