Friday, September 30, 2011

Here’s Why She Won’t Ask

On Bunibuni Facebook group page, Misweetie suggests:

13 things a girl wants, but won't ask for:
1. Touch her waist. 2. Actually talk to her. 3. Share secrets with her. 4. Give her your hoodie. 5. Kiss her slowly. 6. Hug her. 7. Hold her. 8. Laugh with her. 9. Invite her somewhere. 10. Hangout with her and your friends together. 11. Smile with her. 12. Take pictures with her. 13. Pull her onto your lap. Boys repost this if you would ACTUALLY do it. Girls repost this if you would love a boyfriend like that.

1. No, she won’t want you to be grabbing her waist anytime you feel like in public. Guys don't buy this especially if you are not even her BF. She'll more than likely shove you off angrily, call you a pervert or call the cops. She only wants to her waist to be grabbed when she is in a tender sexual or romantic mood, not whenever you feel like it.

2. No, what a girl wants is for you to listen. That’s what they complain that guys don't do. She is perfectly capable of talking all by herself till your ears bleed. All you have to do is sit there and pretend to listen.

3. Guys, the only reason she may be afraid to ask you to share a secret with her is because, if you reverse the positions and ask her to tell her own related secret experience, it would turn out to be a disaster for her. For example, she will be afraid to ask you to tell her if you've slept with another girl while you 2 were still dating. This is because if you ask her that same question, the truth would be that she has banged all your guy friends, your younger brother plus the postman.

4. Why would she want to ask you for your hoodie? Why would she want a hoodie in the first place? Get your own miserable hoodie, girl. I don't come asking for your blouses and things. Yeah, you better not be asking for my pants next. Guys, you better make sure she is not a tranny.

5. Girls want to be kissed passionately. Agreed. Now, why would your girl NOT ask for that? Or rather, why would you not ask your BF to do that? One of you better start paying closer attention to your dental hygiene.

6, 7,8, 9,10. Why would a girl desire to be held, hugged, laughed with and invited to functions and yet refuse to ask her man to do these things? The least she could do is ask; it is not like you'll get what you ask for always but you should at least be able to ask. If she doesn’t want to ask then chances are that 1) her shoulders are too narrow that hugging her is nigh impossible(she'll slip out of your embrace like an eel any time you try), 2) You don't want to appear like a doting adult holding her hands like she is some 6-year-old 3) She laughs like a hyena; or whenever she laughs and bares her dental braces, you find yourself shutting up in fright at the sight of all those metal wires in her mouth 4) The last few times that you invited her out to hang out with your colleagues, she flew into a jealous rage whenever you tried to talk to your female associates. And so she wisely knows not to ask now because you would sooner agree to stick wild and unpeeled pineapples up your rectum than invite her anywhere near the respectable company of friends.

11. Smile with her? What—people go around smiling for no reason? Girl if you say something truly hilarious then I'll smile. And it would not be because you asked. This is an involuntary response. I can't be made to smile with you when I see nothing funny. If you want me smiling more than I care to, you better be as funny as Russel Peters, Patrice O'Neal, or Earthquake.

12. If she wants you to take pictures with her and somehow is unable to ask, don't worry because this is perfectly fine. Guys please do not suggest it. Trust me you don't need all these pieces of evidence lying all over the place. She wants her picture on your phone, on your bedroom walls, on your desk, in your car, on your desk at your job, everywhere; even dogs do not wear their owners’ dog collars every time. Another reason she may not ask that is because she has some self-esteem issues and does not want to be seen in pictures. You know what I mean: she may think her nose is too big, or that her hair is a mess, or that her teeth are crooked, or that her breasts are of uneven size, or that her clothes are tacky, or that her acne, blackheads, pimples, eczema, warts, mole may not reflect positively on her, or that she is not in a charitable mood, or that she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or that that the planetary bodies are not perfectly aligned, etc. You know how it goes—the list of potential excuses is inexhaustible. Guys just thank your lucky stars if she hasn’t started bugging you with picture requests. When she gets over her paranoia, she’ll definitely want to figuratively pee all over you to mark her territory—and that would come in the form of strapping you down with every visible reminder that she is your girlfriend.

13. This is a no-brainer. If the girl does not want you to pull her onto your laps, it must be because if that were to ever happen, her weight would cut out the circulation in your legs and possibly paralyze you. In this case, she is being considerate and you should reward her reticence by letting her be. She realizes that she is not a laptop, your cat, an infant, or your favorite book, newspaper or magazine, and so has no reason to ask you to put her on your lap. Her happy tushie belongs on a sofa and not on your lap. If she fancies your lap more comfortable than the sofa around, she either needs to lose some weight, or it may be her indirect way of suggesting that you may consider changing the old and uncomfortable upholstery you have. Either way, if she does not ask, you don’t have to bring it up. Just count your blessings and keep it moving because chances are that while she has seemingly neglected to colonize your lap, she’ll definitely be coming up with some bizarre request later on to make up for all the little concessions she had already given.



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  1. LMAO! This article was sooo funny. Some of the things listed here I agree and some I disagree. But I really love the breakdown that you gave Godfather. It was your own thoughts & insight to each item listed. Great post (:

  2. Akinyemi Jegede9/30/2011 10:32 AM

    Freaking hilarious!!! GF u have some fight on your hands for this I presume. Either way can't stop laughing.I assume Misweetie is inferring the BF should do this things. How are u doing?

  3. I am fine Pen. I hope all's well with you. I wonder if you read this.

  4. Lol... hahahaha this is so hilarious. Nice post

  5. I ask for all of these... LOL... Maybe I am not normal!